A Death In The Family - Agee James - Страница 35

"Well he'll just have to, then."

"She's got sense, Mary," Hannah said.

"I'm going to have a drink," Andrew said. "God!" he groaned. "Talking to that fool is like trying to put socks on an octopus!"

"Why, Andrew," Mary laughed; she had never heard the expression. "I'm very grateful to you, dear," she said. "You must be worn to a frazzle."

"We all are," Hannah said. "You most of all, Mary. We better think about getting some sleep."

"I suppose we must, but I really don't feel as if I could sleep. You-all better though."

"We're all right," Andrew said. "Except maybe Mama. And Papa, you'd b…"

"Never sleep before two in the morning," Joel said. "You know that."

"Let me fix you a good stiff hot toddy," Hannah said. "It'll help you sleep."

"It all just seems to wake me up."

"Hot."

"Maybe just some hot milk. No I won't, either," she cried out, with sudden tears; they looked at her and looked away; she soon had control of herself.

"One of the last things Jay did for me," she explained, "way early in the morning before he-went away. He fixed me some hot milk to help me sleep." She began to cry again. "Bless his heart," she said. "Bless his dear heart."

"You know almost the last thing he said to me?

"He asked me to think what I wanted for my birthday.

" 'Within reason,' he said. He was just joking.

"And he said not to wait supper, but he'd-he'd try to be back before the children were asleep, for sure."

She'd feel better later on if she'd kept a few of these things to herself, Joel thought.

Or would she. I would. But I'm not Poll.

"Rufus just-wouldn't give up. He just wouldn't go to sleep. He was so proud of that cap, Aunt Hannah. He wanted so much to show it to his father."

Hannah came over to her and leaned to her, an arm around her shoulder.

"Talk if you want to, Mary," she said. "If you think it does you good. But try not to harp on these things."

"And I was so mad at him, only a few hours ago, for not phoning all day, and because of Rufus. I had such a good supper ready, and I did wait it, and…"

"It wasn't his fault it was good," Hannah said.

"Of course it isn't his fault and I had no business waiting it but I did, and I was so angry with him-why I even-I even…"

But this she found she would not tell them. I even thought he was drunk, she said to herself. And if he was, why what in the world of it. Let's hope if he was he really loved being, God bless him always. Always.

And then a terrifying thought occurred to her, and she looked at Andrew. No, she thought, he wouldn't lie to me if it were so. No, I won't even ask it. I won't even imagine it. I just don't see how I could bear to live if that were so.

But there he was, all that day, with Ralph. He must have. Well he probably did. That was no part of the promise. But not really drunk. Not so he couldn't-navigate. Drive well.

No.

Oh, no.

No I won't even dishonor his dear memory by asking. Not even Andrew in secret. No, I won't.

And she thought with such exactness and with such love of her husband's face, and of his voice, and of his hands, and of his way of smiling so warmly even though his eyes almost never lost their sadness, that she succeeded in driving the other thought from her mind.

"Hark!" Hannah whispered.

"What is it?"

"Ssh! Listen."

"What's up?" Joel asked.

"Be quiet, Joel, please. There's something."

They listened most intently.

"I can't hear anything," Andrew whispered.

"Well I do," Hannah said, in a low voice. "Hear it or feel it. There's something."

And again in silence they listened.

It began to seem to Mary, as to Hannah, that there was someone in the house other than themselves. She thought of the children; they might have waked up. Yet listening as intently as she could, she was not at all sure that there was any sound; and whoever or whatever it might be, she became sure that it was no child, for she felt in it a terrible forcefulness, and concern, and restiveness, which were no part of any child.

"There is something," Andrew whispered Whatever it might be, it was never for an instant at rest in one place. It was in the next room; it was in the kitchen; it was in the dining room.

"I'm going out to see," Andrew said; he got up.

"Wait, Andrew, don't, not yet," Mary whispered "No; no"; now it's going upstairs, she thought; it's along the-it's in the children's room. It's in our room.

"Has somebody come into the house?" Catherine inquired in her clear voice.

Andrew felt the flesh go cold along his spine. He bent near her. "What made you think so, Mama?" he asked quietly.

"It's right here in the room with us," Mary said in a cold voice.

"Why, how very stupid of me, I thought I heard. Footsteps." She gave her short, tinkling laugh. "I must be getting old and dippy." She laughed again.

"Sshh!"

"It's Jay," Mary whispered. "I know it now. I was so wrapped up in wondering what on earth… Jay. Darling. Dear heart, can you hear me?

"Can you tell me if you hear me, dearest?

"Can you?

"Can't you?

"Oh try your best, my dear. Try your very hardest to let me know.

"You can't, can you? You can't, no matter how hard.

"But O, do hear me, Jay. I do pray God with all my heart you can hear me, I want so to assure you.

"Don't be troubled, dear one. Don't you worry. Stay near us if you can. All you can. But let not your heart be troubled. They're all right, my sweetheart, my husband. I'm going to be all right. Don't you worry. We'll make out. Rest, my dear. Just rest. Just rest, my heart. Don't ever be troubled again. Never again, darling. Never, never again."

"May the souls of the faithful through the mercy of God rest in peace," Hannah whispered. "Blessed are the dead."

"Mary!" her brother whispered. He was crying.

"He's not here any more now," she said. "We can talk."

"Mary, in God's name what was it?"

"It was Jay, Andrew."

"It was something. I haven't any doubt of that, but-good God, Mary."

"It was Jay, all right. I know! Who else would be coming here tonight, so terribly worried, so terribly concerned for us, and restless! Besides, Andrew, it-it simply felt like Jay."

"You mean…"

"I just mean it felt like his presence."

"To me, too," Hannah said.

"I don't like to interrupt," Joel said, "but would you mind telling me, please, what's going on here?"

"You felt it too, Papa?" Mary asked eagerly.

"Felt what?"

"You remember when Aunt Hannah said there was something around, someone or something in the house?"

"Yes, and she told me to shut up, so I did."

"I simply asked you please to be quiet, Joel, because we were trying to hear."

"Well, what did you hear?"

"I don't know's I heard anything, Joel. I'm not a bit sure. I don't think I did. But I felt something, very distinctly. So did Andrew."

"Yes I did, Papa."

"And Mary."

"Oh, very much so."

"What do you mean you felt something?"

"Then you didn't, Papa?"

"I got a feeling there was some kind of a strain in the room, something or other was up among you; Mary looking as if she'd seen a ghost; all of you…"

"She did," Andrew said. "That is, she didn't actually see anything, but she felt it. She knew something was there. She says it was Jay."

"Hahh?"

"Jay. Aunt Hannah thinks so too."

"Hannah?"

"Yes I do, Joel. I'm not as sure as Mary, but it did seem like him."

"What's 'it'?"

"The thing, Papa, whatever it was. The thing we all felt."

"What did it feel like?"

"Just a…"

"You think it was Jay?"

"No, I had no idea what it was. But I know it was something. Mama felt it too."

"Catherine?"

"Yes. And it couldn't have been through us because she didn't even know what we were doing. All of a sudden she said, 'Has somebody come into the house?' and when I asked her why she thought so she said she thought she'd heard footsteps."