Back To Back - Cameron Chelsea M. - Страница 27

I loosen my hold and he nods once.

“I promise,” he says.

“Good,” I say, leaning down to give him a kiss goodbye. “I love you. So much.” He stares into my eyes and then smiles slowly.

“I love you, Saige Beaumont.” I walk out and take one look back at him. He promised me he wouldn’t go, but a tiny cynical part of my brain keeps telling me he’s not going to be here when I get back.

I’m off and distracted the whole day. Normally I’m able to put everything aside for school, but today it’s just not happening. I’m scattered and flustered and I just want to go home.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t text him a few times, just to check in. During a break between classes, I call Dad.

“How are you doing today?” I ask. I’m not going to specifically mention his injured throat. I’m still shocked he didn’t call the police, or attack Sylas back.

“I’m fine,” he says, and he sounds like he’s got strep throat.

“Are you sure?” I say. This change of roles is still new to me. I’m used to my father being the solid one. The stable one who reins in my chaos.

“Yes, Saige. I’m fine. A little battered, but none the worse for wear.” He laughs and I’m shocked. He seems totally cavalier. I just can’t believe he would give up on his goal so easily.

My life is filled with confusing men who won’t let me into their heads.

“Okay, well, I just wanted to check on you to see how things were going.” I hear him say something to someone else. “Dad?”

“Sorry, I’m just busy. I’ll talk to you later?” He’s definitely distracted.

“Sure, fine.” I want to scream, but I don’t have the energy to fight.

“I love you, ladybug,” he says, using the stupid nickname he gave me when I was three.

“Love you too, Dad.” I hang up and can’t help the unease that creeps through me. I always trust my intuition. Always.

I rush home as soon as I can and drop my keys as I struggle to shove them in my door. But then the door opens and there he is. My Sylas.

“Oh my God, you’re here,” I say, nearly collapsing in relief.

“Of course I am,” he says, holding his arms open. “I promised.”

I stumble into his embrace and want to cry.

“I didn’t trust that you were telling me the truth,” I say into his chest.

“I know. And that’s why I stayed. I want you to trust me, Saige. We can only move forward when we build trust.” I have a deja vu moment because I’m pretty sure I’ve said the same thing.

“I was so scared you were going to leave,” I whisper. He rubs my back with both hands. He’s so solid and warm and here. He’s here with me.

He didn’t leave me.

“It’s okay, Redhead. I stayed for you.” Now that makes me want to cry, but I choke it down. I really need to stop getting so emotional about things. I never used to be. I kept my emotions in check, locked away. I trained myself not to feel things as deeply as other people. To close myself off and just observe.

It wasn’t living. My life was happening around me, not to me. Passivity versus activity. Now, with Sylas, I’m all in. Each and every moment with him is like a little pearl and I’ve started saving them, stringing a necklace of memories I’ll be able to keep forever.

My Sylas.

“I want to go to bed with you, but I have to study,” I say, not even worrying about how whiny I sound.

“It’s okay. I’ve got things to do.” His eyes get shifty and that worries me.

“What kind of things?” I ask. He’s withdrawing again, getting lost in his head. I know he’s got a lot to think about, but I wish he would share some of it with me.

“I have to go after him, Saige,” he says. “I can’t let him get away. Not this time. He’s been running long enough.” He promised me this morning he wouldn’t go without me, but I can’t leave right now. I can’t miss finals, not even for him.

“I understand,” I say. “But you promised.”

He closes his eyes and when he opens them, he’s not looking at me.

“I have to go, Saige.” What the hell about this morning? Was he just saying that to make me happy? Why didn’t he leave already?

“Then why are you still here?” I ask. He steps away from me. “You made me a promise this morning and you’re already going back on it. If we’re trying to build trust, this isn’t the way to do it.”

Will we ever trust one another? Is that even possible for the two of us?

“It’s not that simple, Saige! You don’t understand!” His rage is surging to the surface again.

“I know! But you can’t do this alone.” He storms back into the bedroom and I follow him. There’s a bag on the bed, already packed.

“No, I can do this alone, Saige. You don’t want me to. Those are two different things.” I want to slap him. I want to hurt him. I want to throw him out. I want to make him stay.

“I’ve taken care of my family on my own for six years. This is all I know. I love you, but I can’t bring you into this. Don’t you get that? I don’t want you near him. You’re the only good thing in my life that isn’t tainted by him. I just want to keep you safe, Saige. Can’t you fucking understand that?” I freeze, totally stunned. His reasons are not what I thought they were. If he’s being honest with me.

“Look at me, Sylas.” He’s been staring at the suitcase for a while, as if he can’t bear to look me in the eye. But at the sound of my voice, he slowly looks up. There it is. The pain. The absolute, soul-crushing pain that steals my breath.

“I don’t want you to see me like that,” he says, his voice nothing more than a whisper. “I don’t want you to know that part of me.” I take four steps until I’m standing so close to him, we’re almost touching, but not quite.

“I want to know all the parts of you, Sylas. I love them already. We both have darkness in our lives. We’re not like regular people, and that’s something we’re going to have to deal with. It’s going to take work, you and me. But if you’ll take me as I come, I’ll do the same for you.” I reach up and stroke the side of his face. He hasn’t shaved again, and I wonder if it’s because he knows I like it that way.

One single tear rolls down his cheek and I brush it away with my hand.

“Don’t hide from me,” I say.

“I have to go, Saige. I have to go.” He closes his eyes and backs up, reaching for the bag.

“I’m not going to beg you to stay. But know that you’re hurting me right now, Sylas. Not because you’re going, but because you lied to me.” Without a word, he puts the strap of the bag on his shoulder and walks out of the room.

I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to chase after him. He’s made his choice and he’s going to have to live with it. I ignore the few tears that slip down my face and I flinch when the door closes. Leo climbs out from under the bed, as if he was hiding from the tension. He rubs against my legs and looks up at me with a mournful meow.

“I know,” I say and walk into the kitchen to get him some food.

It’s good that I have so much studying to do, because it gives me an activity other than wallowing in bed with ice cream and too many romantic movies. I briefly consider calling Lo and telling her Sylas has left me, but it would be too much work to come up with a good story. She’s bound to ask a lot of questions and I don’t have the energy or desire to lie.

Sylas sends me one text that he’s on a plane and he’ll let me know when he lands. I send back two letters “o” and “k.”

I wonder what he’s thinking about. If he’s conflicted at all. If he misses me. He’s barely been gone for a few hours and the apartment is too quiet. Too empty. Leo won’t leave me alone, and I think it’s because he knows. I’ve never really been a cat person, but he’s growing on me.