November 9 - Hoover Colleen - Страница 28

And I try not to cry, because that would be silly.

Right?

• • •

I’ve never liked window seats, so when I hear the woman in the aisle seat say something to the affect of hating aisle seats, I offer her mine.

I’m not scared of flying unless I’m looking out the window. And if I’m in a window seat, I feel I’m taking it for granted if I don’t look out the window. And then I spend the entire flight staring at the world below us and it makes me panic more than if I just don’t put myself in that position.

I set my purse beneath the seat in front of me and try to get comfortable. I’m relieved Ben is coming to New York next year because the flight from L.A. to New York is one of my least favorite things.

I close my eyes and hope I can get a few hours of sleep. I won’t have time to sleep before rehearsals tomorrow, and I would just sleep in, but tomorrow is opening day and I have to be there for the last rehearsal.

“Hey.”

I hear Ben’s voice and smile, because that means I’m definitely going to sleep just fine if I’m already confusing reality with dreams.

“Fallon.”

My eyes flick open. I look up to see Ben standing next to me. What in the ever loving hell?

I look at his hand and he’s holding a plane ticket.

I sit up straight. “What are you doing?”

Someone is trying to squeeze past him, so he moves to where he’s standing as close to me as he can get. When the man passes, Ben kneels down. “I forgot to give you homework for this year.” He hands me a folded sheet of paper. “I had to buy a plane ticket in order to get it to you before you took off, so that means you have to follow through with it or I’m out a lot of money for naught. And who actually says naught? Anyway. That’s all. Totally not an alpha-move, but whatever.”

I look at the paper in my hands and then back up at him. Did he seriously buy a plane ticket just to give me homework?

“You’re insane.”

He grins, but then has to stand again to let someone else pass. A flight attendant tells him he needs to clear the aisle and take his seat. He winks at me. “I better go before I get stuck on the plane.” He leans down and gives me a small peck on the lips.

I try to hide the flicker of sadness I know is evident in my eyes. I force a smile just before he turns and makes his way toward the exit. A flight attendant intercepts him and asks why he’s not in his seat. He mutters something about a family emergency, so she allows him to pass, but right before he’s out of my line of sight, he turns around and winks.

And then he’s gone.

Did that really just happen?

I look down at the paper in my hands and I’m nervous to even open it, wondering what homework assignment could possibly be worth the purchase of a plane ticket.

Fallon,

I lied. Kind of. I don’t have a lot of homework for you because I think you’re doing a good job at adulting. I mostly wanted to give you this letter because I wanted to thank you for showing up today. I forgot to thank you earlier. It sucks that you have to go a day without sleep, but it means a lot that you sacrificed that sleep to follow through with our arrangement. I’ll make it up to you next year, I promise. As for this year, there’s only one thing I want you to do.

Go visit your father.

I know, I know. He’s an asshole. But he’s the only father you have, and when you told me you haven’t spoken to him since last year, I couldn’t help but feel at fault for that. I feel guilty for the fight you guys got into because my butting in didn’t help matters. I should have stayed out of it, but had I stayed out of it, I wouldn’t have had the privilege of finding out what kind of panties you had on. So I guess I’m saying I don’t really regret butting in, but I do feel bad that maybe your relationship with your father wouldn’t be so strained had I just minded my own business. So for that, I think maybe you should give him another chance.

When I realized I forgot to ask you to do this one small thing, it was worth the $400 plane ticket I just had to buy. So don’t let me down, okay? Call him tomorrow. For me.

Next year, I want all the hours of November 9th I can get with you. Let’s meet an hour earlier and I’ll stay until midnight.

In the meantime, I hope you still get laughed at.

Ben

I read the note through again before folding it. I’m happy he’s no longer on the plane, because the smile on my face is embarrassing.

I can’t believe he just did that. And I can’t believe I’m going to suck it up and call my father tomorrow simply because Ben asked me to.

But even more than that, I’m in shock he spent that much money on a plane ticket just to give me this letter. That seems like more of a grand gesture than an inconsequential moment. And I love it just as much, if not more than the inconsequential things he does.

Maybe I don’t know the first thing about falling in love, because I’ve been telling myself I’m not falling for him yet. That it’s too soon.

But it’s not. What’s happening inside my heart right now is way too consequential to deny. I think I’ve been misjudging the whole concept of insta-love. Now if I can just figure out how we can finish these next few years with a happy ending.

Third November

9th

She “loved me” in quotations

She kissed me in bold

I TRIED TO KEEP HER in all caps

She left with an ellipsis . . .

—BENTON JAMES KESSLER

Fallon

I brought a notebook to the restaurant with me.

It’s a little embarrassing, but so much has happened this year, I started taking notes back in January. I’m also a neat freak, so Ben is lucky in that regard. He won’t have to do much research on me, because it’s all here. All four guys I went out with, all the auditions I went on, the fact that I’m speaking to my father again, the four callbacks I received, the one (very small) role I actually landed in an off-Broadway play. And how as excited as I was about it, I miss the community theater more than I expected to. Maybe because I enjoyed everyone wanting my advice. Now that I’ve got a small role in a slightly larger production, it feels different. Everyone is trying to climb their way to the top and they’ll crawl over anyone to get there. There are a lot of competitive people in this world, and I’ve discovered I’m not really one of them. But today I’m not going to dwell on what is or isn’t going right in my life, because today is all about Ben and me.

I have our entire day mapped out. After we eat breakfast, we’re doing typical touristy things. I’ve lived in New York for two years now and I’ve still never been to the Empire State Building. After lunch, though, is the part I’m the most excited about. I was walking past an art studio a couple of weeks ago and noticed a flyer for an event called “The life and death of Dylan Thomas. But mostly the death.” He’s brought up Dylan Thomas’s name a couple of times, so I know he likes his work. And the fact that the event takes place in that studio today of all days isn’t nearly as fascinating as what else I learned from the flyer.

Dylan Thomas died in New York City in 1953.

On November 9th.

What are the odds? I had to Google that information just to make sure it was right. It is. And I have no idea if Ben even knows that about Dylan Thomas. I’m kind of hoping he doesn’t so I can see the look on his face when I tell him.