In Your Heart - Smeltzer Micalea - Страница 3

He didn’t say anything, which I was thankful for.

He reached for my hand, holding mine in his and offering the smallest amount of comfort that he could.

After a few minutes I wiped my face free of tears and he started the car.

He pulled away from the police station and I watched the trees and traffic go by.

“I don’t have anywhere to go,” I realized.

I’d moved into Braden’s place when we got engaged. At the time I’d still been living with my parents but they’d since downsized. I wouldn't have wanted to impose on them anyway.

I couldn’t stay with Emma either—my best friend since we were in diapers. She and her fiance, Maddox—the drummer for Willow Creek, the band Ezra played in—still lived in the guesthouse behind his foster parent’s house. Maddox’s foster parents also happened to be Ezra’s real parents. They’d taken in Maddox and his twin brother Mathias when they were put into the system as teenagers. Maddox and Ezra were close, like brothers, while Mathias had always remained distant. That seemed to be changing though, according to things Emma had told me. Apparently, since Mathias rekindled with his high school love, Remy, and subsequently married her, he’d stopped distancing himself from his brother and band mates. They were also having a baby. Mathias Wade as a dad…I definitely hadn’t seen that one coming.

“You’ll stay with me.” Ezra said simply, his eyes on the road ahead.

I shook my head. “No.” My voice was firm. “I can’t impose myself on you like that. I won’t,” I reiterated.

He glanced at me and then his eyes went back to the road. “You’re not imposing. You’re my friend and I’m doing you a favor.”

“I don’t want any favors,” I ground out between my teeth, “this was enough.” I added, referring to him bailing me out of jail.

“Yeah, care to explain the details to me? Seriously, what the fuck did you do to get arrested?”

I swallowed thickly and looked out the window once more. I could see my reflection in the glass. My lips were turned down in a frown and my light brown hair hung limply.

“I grabbed a knife and told him I was going to cut off his dick and then I threatened to cut off his tongue too. The bitch he was cheating on me with happened to be a lawyer. She recorded the whole thing and it was enough for them to arrest me.” I shrugged, playing it off. “Can you believe that?”

I glanced at him. A muscle in his jaw twitched and I knew he was irritated. Not at me, but at the situation.

“It’s like the world is conspiring against me,” I muttered, picking at the tear in my ripped jeans. “No, not conspiring…it’s laughing at me. At how completely fucking stupid I am.” I shook my head back and forth, swallowing past the lump in my throat. Tears stung my eyes once more. “I hate myself so much right now.”

“Don’t,” Ezra snapped, his tone harsh as he spared me a glance, “don’t fucking say that.”

“But I do.”

“Everybody makes mistakes, Sadie,” he interjected, turning down a street and heading out of town.

“I was going to marry him.” My voice cracked. “I was going to marry an asshole that treated me like shit, who cheated on me, and who just isn’t a very nice fucking person, and why?”

His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. His lips pursed as his tongue rolled around, searching for the right words. “I don’t know,” he answered.

“Yeah?” I laughed, but there was no humor in the tone. “Me either.” I buried my head in my hands and let out a small scream. “Why didn’t I listen to you? Why didn’t I listen to any of you? Everybody warned me against him.”

“You’re stubborn,” he responded, his voice flat.

“Yeah,” I agreed, “and look where that got me. I’m now fiance-less and homeless. I’m such a role model.”

His lips twisted. “Now’s not the time for your sarcasm.”

“Are you mad at me?” I asked, hating that I sounded hurt. But I was. Hurt, that is. He had every right to be mad at me though. I mean, what kind of crappy friend calls a person up because they’re in jail and then doesn’t even have a place to stay?

“Yes, I am mad at you,” he replied, “but not for the reason you think.”

He always did know me so well, like he could read my mind. We’d only become friends when our best friends fell in love four years ago. They were so enamored with each other that we both ended up being left out. We started hanging out and bonded, soon becoming best friends ourselves. The last six months without Ezra in my life had sucked, to put it bluntly, but Braden was my fiance so I thought I was doing the right thing by cutting Ezra out of my life since that’s what Braden wanted. Little did I know that was simply another way he was manipulating me.

“So, why exactly are you mad at me?” I asked.

“Because,” he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself, “you’re acting like this is your fault. You’re not the one that cheated, Sadie.”

“But I’m the one that stayed with an asshole for no good reason. I mean,” I pushed my hair away from my face, “I don’t feel like I ever really loved him…if I did I would feel more hurt, right?” I asked him. “Because that’s not what I feel, instead—”

“Your ego is bruised,” he supplied, turning down another road. Farmland stretched as far as I could see as he drove to his house.

“Exactly,” I agreed, nodding.

“I think you wanted to believe he was the one for you,” he glanced at me for a moment, his dark eyes serious, “but he wasn’t.”

“Maybe I’m meant to be alone for the rest of my life,” I mused, “with like fifty cats.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re twenty-one. You have plenty of time to find the guy for you.”

“I think I’m just going to become a nun.” I nodded, affirming my words.

He snorted and I glared at him. “I think it’s a bit late for that.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, the seatbelt digging into my collarbone. “I’m glad you find amusement in my suffering.”

“Don’t be like that.” He chuckled. “Think about all that you’ve accomplished. You own your own store, Sadie. That’s a big deal. Be proud of yourself. Focus on that and not trying to find a guy to settle down with.”

“I wanted so desperately to be in love,” I confessed. “Real, soul deep, shaking in the knees, forever, kind of love.”

“You’ll have that one day,” he assured me.

I sighed heavily. “But not now.”

He shook his head and took my hand once more, giving it a reassuring squeeze before letting go. “This is a good thing. You’re going to be a stronger person because of this.”

“I hope so,” I agreed.

I knew I was better off without Braden, and I hated that it had taken this to get me to see that. But it still hurt. I’d spent two years of my life with him, and there had been good memories with him. I stayed with him for stupid reasons, and I was mad at myself for that. I’d given up so much for an ideal I’d conjured up in my mind of what my life was supposed to be like. I would not let this break me. Nope.

Oh God, was I crying again?

I tentatively reached up and there were more tears.

Shit. So much for not letting this break me.

Ezra turned onto the driveway leading up to his house. Although, calling it a house was a stretch. His home was small, more like a cottage. I’d been there plenty of times before…well, before. It was cute and nestled between shady trees with a lake in the back. There were also no other houses close, which I knew was a big draw for Ezra. Seclusion from nosy people and the media was highly coveted among the Willow Creek boys.

He parked the SUV in the detached garage he’d had built to match the house. Both were covered in dark blue siding with white shutters beside the windows. I’m sure most people expected a rock star like Ezra to live in a mansion, but that’d never been what he wanted. I admired him, and the other guys too, for not letting fame go to their heads. Not that they didn’t love their shiny toys, like their various cars.