After Forever Ends - Ramone Melodie - Страница 140

“Oh, yes! Dates!” She continued, “He used to take me out for chips and ice cream, ‘Dates’, he called them. Do you know why he did it?”

“Because he loved you.”

“No, not exactly,” My sister turned to me, giving me a look I could not place, “He did it to fall in love with me.”

“What?”

She laughed, “It didn’t make sense to me at first, either. But you knew Ollie! Not much did make sense with him unless you could step out of yourself and see life through his eyes.” She sighed, “Life through his eyes was always very different. It was more fun, full of magic and wonder. Everything was more beautiful through Oliver’s eyes,” She paused, “I was so jealous of you back then. Not because of Oliver, but Alexander.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve loved Alexander since the first minute I met him. You and him have always had this…thing.” She drew a breath through her nose and added quickly, “Don’t deny it, Sil! Oliver saw it, too. Oliver saw everything. There wasn’t a thing he missed, even if he acted sometimes like he did. He had a gift. He could look at someone and know exactly what they had in their heart.”

“Yes, he could.”

“Anyway, he took me on one of our dates one night and I asked him why he was doing it. I said, ‘I’m only Silvia’s sister, you don’t have to try so hard with me! You know I love you!’ and he told me, ‘But I’m falling madly in love with you, Lucy!’ I was horrified!” She giggled. Even at eighty years old she still had that girly, silly giggle, “And then he said, ‘Oh, not like that! I’m falling in love with your essence, with your soul!’ and he went on to tell me that he had to be in love with me, because Alexander was in love with you. I wanted to punch him right in the face! How dare he say such a thing to me! Alexander in love with you! But then Oliver explained it. He told me that he knew that Alex always had been, since that first day they met you. He said it was another reason how he knew that you were the right one for him to marry. He could never spend his life with anyone that his brother wasn’t in love with, too. If Alex didn’t love you, you weren’t good enough.” She shook her head with a smile, “And he said he that knew that if he fell in love with me, Alexander couldn’t resist loving me, too. He wanted us together, so he began dating me.”

I laughed out loud. “That sounds about like him! His logic was mad!”

“It was! He was mental!” She agreed, “But he was so sweet, wasn’t he? He really saw people. When I was at university, he’d call me sometimes and ask me if I needed anything. ‘Are you all right?’ He’d ask me, “ ‘And don’t lie to me, because I’ll know!’ And later, after Alex and I were together, he always made sure Alexander was treating me well. Oliver was the best. Just simply the best. I miss him so much,” She paused again and looked away from the book. I knew she was collecting herself so she wouldn’t cry. After a moment, she looked back at it and turned the page. The next photo was of her and Alexander, kissing in the garden. It was just of their faces, their eyes closed, Alex’s thumb resting against her cheek.

“I’m sorry I’m taking your husband from you,” I whispered, taken with the beauty of the photo. “I’m being so selfish.”

“You’re not taking him from me,” My sister looked at me suddenly, “I’m letting you borrow him.”

I didn’t know quite what to say. I couldn’t read her expression. “I’m sorry,” I said again.

“Silvia, it’s all right. As far as my husband and you go, I understand. I really do. I used to be jealous, but I figured it out a long time ago. It’s Oliver that the two of you have in common, that brutal love for Oliver. There is no one in the world Alexander ever loved more than his brother. It’s what binds you two. And Oliver and I shared the same ferocity for Alexander. It bound us as well.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

She smiled, “Don’t you really? It’s simple. What you and Alexander have goes beyond brother and sister and it goes beyond friendship. It goes beyond physical. It’s a trust that comes from the heart. A long time ago Alex was confused by the closeness, but now it’s just love. Pure and simple. You love each other. And that’s a beautiful thing.”

“I do love him.”

“I know. And I know that right now you need him and he needs you. Oliver’s gone and you’re both left with all this passion and the object of it is not here. I’m not threatened. Alexander chose me,” Lucy smiled again, “He’s given me fifty four wonderful years with him and I know he wouldn’t have given me a day if he didn’t love me. So why should I be jealous and why should you be sorry? It’s a waste of energy.” My sister took my hand and squeezed it, “And anyway, I adore him. I always have. Losing Oliver is killing him. I can’t do anything for him. I watch him suffer. I watch him die slowly from grief and I can’t touch the place in him where he’s hurting. But you can, because you loved Oliver as much as him. You’re helping him like he’s helping you. I’m thankful to you both for that. I just wish I could do more for either of you. I feel so helpless…” She turned a page in the book again. A photo fell out from between the pages and she caught it. This one got her full attention. It was her, taken only a few months earlier, standing beside Oliver with her head pressed into the middle of his chest. His arms were around her. Both of them were grinning. Lucy stared at it and was quiet for a long time before she whispered, “I wish that I could have done something to help him.”

“None of us could.”

“I never thought it would be him,” She put her hand over her mouth and spoke through her fingers, “Of all of us, he was the most cheerful. He was so alive. How could he have gotten so sick like that and left us alone?”

I put my arms around my sister. I could feel her begin to tremble, “Lucy,” I said softly, “Please don’t cry. If you do, I’ll start up. I think I’ll die if I cry any more. I can’t cry anymore…”

“I can’t believe he’s gone!” She wailed, “Oh, Silvia! I can’t believe he’s really gone! I miss him so much! I can’t believe I’ll never see him again! It’s like it’s not real! It’s a bad dream and I want to wake up! Please, God! Please, wake me up!”

“I wish I could wake us both up!” I swore.

“I’m so sorry, Sil! I’m so sorry! I want him back! I want my brother back! I couldn’t help him! I want him back! Damn it!” She stomped her foot against the ground, “I’m so goddamned sorry that I couldn’t help him! Oliver!” She shouted to the sky, “Oliver! I’m sorry! I’m so, so, so sorry…Oh, God! Please! Come back! I want to help you! Please!”

“No, no,” I rocked my sister in my arms, “We all want him back, but we can’t have him. Can we?” My heart ached so bad I was sure it was splitting apart, “Lucy, we’re all in a nightmare and no one can wake up. But you’re here. I’m here. Alex is here. We still have each other, Sissy. We still have each other. Oliver doesn’t need us to take care of him anymore. We have each other to take care of. That’s what he wanted! That’s what matters! Not what we couldn’t do for him then, but what we can do for each other now.” I smoothed her hair the way Oliver always did mine, “You’re here, Lucy. I love you, Alexander loves you. That’s what matters now. Oliver’s all right. I can feel him, I swear it! He’s all right and he wants you to be all right, too.”

“I’ll be fine,” She assured me through her tears, “It’s my husband I’m worried about! I need you to help me take care of him, Silvia! Please, help me keep him alive! I can’t imagine living without him! I know you just lost your husband, but I can’t lose mine, too! He needs you! Please, Silvia, please! Help me make sure Alexander doesn’t die, too!”

“I promise, Lu! I promise I will keep him alive. We both will, won’t we? We won’t let him go! We won’t! I swear it!”

It was the only time Lucy allowed herself the luxury of losing her composure. She never did in front of Alexander. It would have killed him to see her fall apart and she knew it.