Slow Twitch - Реинхардт Лиз - Страница 64

“Hi Jake,” he said. Devon looked at me and raised his eyebrows, but I shook my head at him. I know he wanted to talk about the essays, but I didn’t want to bring it up now, in front of Jake, with Saxon right around.

Somewhere.

It was unusual to walk into a room where I knew Saxon was, but not have him come to find me right away.

“Hey, Devon.” Jake smiled and put his arm around me.

They were chatting when I caught sight of Saxon. He was standing with his arm around Cadence’s waist, so they mirrored me and Jake across the room.

They looked great together. They looked like they belonged, and I was at the same time happy and a little sad about it.

Cadence looked really pretty. Her long, dark hair was up in a messy bun. She wore one of my Folly t-shirts with a black long sleeved shirt underneath, a short pleated black skirt, and black boots with fur. It was one of those outfits I would have looked like a lunatic in, but she managed to rock it and look totally gorgeous and sexy.

It wasn’t just the way she looked, though. She had a nice smile and she laughed a lot; it was a big, easy laugh that made everyone else laugh.

And Saxon was looking at her like he was an astronomer and she was a once-in-a-lifetime meteor. It was close to worship.

He had on a Folly shirt too, a little tight and beat up in a way that could only be the result of wearing it every day while he did construction projects around Aunt Helene’s. The result was a purposefully unintentional added coolness that was made edgier by his nod-to-the-blue-collar black work Dickies.

Oh, and he was wearing Chucks, all black, which would have made me feel a hint of camaraderie except that I didn’t want to feel anything like that towards him tonight. For too many reasons. His black hair was getting long and it was shiny and messy. He was smiling, and the look of contented, in-love ease made him even more gorgeous than his old bored attitude ever had.

He saw us across the expanse and came over, pulling Cadence by the hand.

“Hey guys.” I saw something impatient in his eyes. He pulled Cadence forward. “Cadence, this is Kelsie and Devon. This is my girlfriend, Cadence.”

And in that minute, I knew what the impatience was all about. Saxon couldn’t wait to show her off, to announce to the world that she was his girlfriend.

It made me glad. It really did make me happy to see Saxon happy. I had never liked being his girlfriend. We had never fit together the way he and Cadence did. He never had that easy, relaxed look with me. I smiled at Cadence and she smiled back. Then I saw her eyes go to Jake and they shared a conspirator’s smile.

“Hey.” Jake nodded down to her feet. “I like your boots.”

He liked her boots? He liked big boots with fur on them? I looked at Jake curiously and wondered what kinds of other crazy things he liked and didn’t tell me about.

“Thanks.” She turned one long, slim leg so that we could all see her boot from the side. “I’ve been waiting for an excuse to wear them.”

Cadence was absolutely cute and sincere and stylish, and I liked her. Though the look of appreciation my boyfriend was giving her boots (and leg) was just a teeny, tiny bit irritating.

“The place looks amazing.” I glanced around at the cool 50s style decorations. “I’ve never seen the inside at night. The mirror ball makes it look like a whole different place.”

Cadence looked around with a lot more resignation. “Yeah, my dad went kind of crazy in here.” She shrugged. “We’ve never done anything like this. Thank you for your help, Brenna. The t-shirt design was a really good idea.”

“No problem.” I smiled at her.

“And thanks for putting me on it. That was crazy!” She looked down at her shirt and laughed and everyone joined in, including me, though I felt like I a poseur laughing along, but I was relieved that everything felt decently normal, and it didn’t seem like there was any lasting craziness from my TMI essay.

Then the band started for real and we went to watch and jostle with everyone else. It felt good to be there, in a crush with a bunch of people I didn’t know but felt close to because of the music and the fun of the night. Tony and his wife, Rosalie, were on the side looking happy and kind of relieved.

But something felt flat for me. I couldn’t put my finger on it, and I couldn’t shake it at all. I told Jake that I was going to the bathroom, but I really just needed some air. The parking lot was empty, cool, and quiet: a perfect place to escape for a minute.

“Blix.”

I turned around and there was Saxon, looking all cocky and so wonderfully, totally cool it was as irritating as a splinter under my fingernail.

“Hey.” I didn’t try to smile at Saxon, because there was never any point in pretending anything around him.

He walked up to me and put an arm around my shoulders, and I sneaked a look back towards the door to make sure Jake wasn’t standing there. Saxon’s orange TicTac smell was familiar but incomplete without the usual sting of smoke, and the feel of his arm was too heavy, too close, and too much of a complication.

“So, I read your essay.” His voice rubbed against my ear, half purr, half growl.

I turned under his arm and looked into his black eyes. “I know it.”

“It was a little weird. I mean, I had to read it to Jake.” His voice was barbed with an edge of humor and something that furrowed so much deeper, no matter how I twisted it, I couldn’t figure it out.

“Sorry. I mean, I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to just sit and read it and react, I guess.” I meant that. “I could get you a copy if you need one.” Then I remembered and blushed when the full repercussion hit. “Oh. I almost forgot your photographic memory. So now my essay is embedded in your brain forever.”

For a few seconds, all I could hear was the electric buzz of the lights, the screech of the bugs, and the subdued din of the music inside. Then Saxon’s voice rasped out and broke the hush. “You sound like you think that would be a bad thing.”

We locked eyes, and I saw those little gold flecks that rightfully belonged to Cadence to notice now.

“You said it was weird.” A sticky, gapped feeling netted over my heart like a wide spider web.

“I meant it was weird circumstances.” He dropped his arm from my shoulder and ran both hands through his hair, kicked the cement, and shook his head. “The essay itself…you wrote it a few weeks ago, right?”

“Yeah, at the workshop I went to this summer.” I trapped a huge lungful of breath, slowed my heart, didn’t blink, and just waited for whatever he would say next.

He grabbed me by the shoulders so hard his fingers bit into my skin and pressed his forehead to mine, his eyes screwed shut, his mouth ironed into a flat line, then pulled away and looked at me with eyes so intensely focused, it was like watching gold fireworks bursting against a midnight sky. I tried to inch back, but his hold was iron-gripped and absolute. “What you wrote…I’m really happy that it’s going to be stuck in my head forever.”

His face moved so close to mine, I was half sure he was going to kiss me, and panic made me rear my head back. My mind whirled around, grasping for an escape hatch before we let things spiral out of control, but he never closed the gap.

“You liked it?” My voice was trapped in the space between us, flickering and bumping like a lightning bug trapped in a jar.

When he opened his mouth, there wasn’t a hint of sarcasm or snark or mind games, and the raw, clean honesty of what he said left me jelly-limbed and quaking-hearted.

“I think it was one of the bravest fucking things I’ve ever read in my life. And I know that I’ll never mean what Jake means to you. But to know that there’s a piece of you that cares about me means a lot. More than I can say. I haven’t had many people give a shit. I know you’re sacrificing a lot to take a chance on caring about me. And I’ve been a dickhead sometimes. But I want you to know, it’s appreciated.”