Угодничество не зря называют болезнью. Оно может искалечить вас, заставив забыть о себе в угоду другим людям. Книга «Перестаньте угождать людям» – это откровенный взгляд на склонность угождать людям: откуда она берется, как проявляется и что с ней делать. Самое главное, что в книге подчеркивается реальная, действенная тактика, позволяющая изменить ваши отношения с собой и другими. Вы можете быть уверены в том, что здесь есть настоящее понимание ваших проблем. Последовав советам автора, который не понаслышке знает о них, у вас появится возможность полностью изменить свою жизнь и наконец-то получить то, что вы хотите, защитить себя и перестать беспокоиться о том, что думают другие люди.

Что предлагает автор:

– Узнайте о глубинных психологических, зачастую травматических истоках вашей потребности угождать и о том, как установить здоровые границы.

– Перестаньте искать одобрения и научитесь быть менее «милым».

– Перепрограммируйте свои вредные подсознательные убеждения и научитесь принимать себя. Найдите свой голос, защищайте себя и ставьте себя на первое место.

– Оставьте горечь, обиду и беспокойство от того, что вы всегда говорите «да».

– Научитесь говорить «нет» и доносить свои мысли до окружающих.

– Перестаньте чувствовать себя виноватым и ответственным за чувства других людей.

Чувствуете, что вам нужно угождать и служить, чтобы оставаться в своем кругу общения? Страх потерять благосклонность окружающих заставляет вас быть угодливым? Эта книга для вас.

В формате PDF A4 сохранён издательский дизайн.

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узнала себя в этой книге. Прочитала фрагмент и поняла, что нужно дочитать. Подтверждает расхожий афоризм, что благими намерениями выложена дорога в ад. Эти тревожные угодники- непрошенные спасатели. И на них все едут, а сами они страдают. Потому, что никто не скажет спасибо, а, некоторых, это пугает. Буду работать над собой. единственный минус- цена

Содержание 5+

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В книге приводится всесторонний анализ как причин, так и последствий угодничества и служения другим людям, а главное – на многочисленных кейсах и жизненных историях четко проводится граница между здоровыми отношениями, основанными на взаимоуважении, искренности и взаимовыгодном сотрудничестве, и пассивно-агрессивным поведением угодников в отношениях подчиненности и ношения масок. Например, когда страдает и карьера, и интересы предприятия, если сотрудник из страха «раскачать лодку» мнений коллег не высказывает свои идеи, а действует по шаблону, что в итоге приводит к увольнению – как бесполезного. Или поведение матери семейства, старающейся всё делать за всех, а в итоге манипулирующей домашними через сочувствие к своей усталости.

Патрик Кинг последовательно от главы к главе предлагает изучить на примерах и разобрать в себе:

•\tКакие источники питают инстинкт угодничества: это могут быть детские травмы и укоренившееся чувство незащищенности и неполноценности, или более поздние паттерны поведения, когда человек был отвергнут в том или ином обществе и решил, что вынужден заслуживать одобрение окружающих, страх конфронтации, чувство вины и т.д.

•\tКак распознать ложные установки «хорошего поведения», когда отстаивание своих прав, границ и интересов приравнивается к «плохому», то есть бунту, неприличию, недостойному поведению.

•\tКак противостоять «эффекту прожектора», когда нам кажется, что все за нами наблюдают и оценивают. С одной стороны, это приводит к повышенному самоконтролю, стыду ни за что и избеганию общения, а с другой, постоянно концентрируясь на себе, мы перестаем воспринимать адекватно других людей, а это и есть эгоизм.

•\tКак повысить самооценку и научиться осознанности и самоутверждению.

•\tКак перестать брать на себя ответственность за эмоциональное состояние других людей и решать чужие проблемы, заранее обрекая людей на однобокие отношения.

•\tОтдельная глава с массой практических советов и рекомендаций посвящена умению отстаивать свою автономность и говорить «нет» не только в контексте «я не могу» (нет времени, не по силам), но и «я не буду», то есть в контексте конкретных категорий предпочтений, убеждений, действий, событий – незыблемых правил вашей личной политики и философии поведения. А также – как противостоять давлению, используя многочисленные тактики отказа: превентивный (заранее), сопротивление моменту и создание сложностей (на особых условиях), обезличивание отказа (ссылаясь на внешние обстоятельства) или делегирование полномочий и перекладывание ответственности на более компетентного в решении задачи просителя.

Также в книге приводятся неоспоримые доводы в пользу здорового эгоизма, способного улучшить жизнь как нам самим, так и окружающим:

"Нельзя служить людям, не начав (на 100 процентов) с себя".

"Чтобы эффективно ставить на первое место интересы окружающих и осмысленно отдавать себя людям, принося пользу, нужно понимать, как соблюдать свои собственные интересы...".

","user_display_name":"Марго Па","user_avatar_url":"/pub/avatar/100/00/00/20/53/52/69/20535269.jpg","user_is_verified":false,"user_role":null,"user_id":20535269,"is_comment_left_by_reviewed_person":null,"created_at":"2022-10-05T17:03:15","likes_rating":64,"likes_count":66,"dislikes_count":2,"is_liked_by_current_user":false,"is_disliked_by_current_user":false,"is_removed_by_moderator":false,"black_listed_by_user":false,"item_rating":5,"replies":[{"id":16424363,"caption":null,"text":"

Марго Па ,

","user_display_name":"fbreader-auto-kika9981-at-gmail-com","user_avatar_url":null,"user_is_verified":false,"user_role":null,"user_id":551296543,"is_comment_left_by_reviewed_person":null,"created_at":"2023-08-12T00:46:01","likes_rating":2,"likes_count":2,"dislikes_count":0,"is_liked_by_current_user":false,"is_disliked_by_current_user":false,"is_removed_by_moderator":false,"black_listed_by_user":false},{"id":21830000,"caption":null,"text":"

Марго Па Бомбический отзыв,прочитав его мне захотелось прочитать книгу.Спасибо большое за столь развёрнутый комментарий

","user_display_name":"Анютка Самка","user_avatar_url":"/pub/avatar/100/00/07/35/72/90/68/735729068.jpg","user_is_verified":false,"user_role":null,"user_id":735729068,"is_comment_left_by_reviewed_person":null,"created_at":"2024-08-24T23:55:38","likes_rating":3,"likes_count":3,"dislikes_count":0,"is_liked_by_current_user":false,"is_disliked_by_current_user":false,"is_removed_by_moderator":false,"black_listed_by_user":false}],"is_user_profile_clickable":true,"source":"litres","replies_count":2},{"id":14665740,"caption":null,"text":"

Книга произвела впечатление идеального зеркала.

Посмотрел в него и увидел отражение себя, честное и правдивое , без прикрас !

Когда живешь на свете и думаешь, что делаешь все правильно, угождая и стелясь. К большому сожалению осознание своих действий приходит только с развитием разума , , у кого то когда тебе уже за 45 лет.

Очень советую прочитать!

","user_display_name":"rebekka1974","user_avatar_url":null,"user_is_verified":false,"user_role":null,"user_id":273801155,"is_comment_left_by_reviewed_person":null,"created_at":"2022-10-17T22:22:52","likes_rating":46,"likes_count":48,"dislikes_count":2,"is_liked_by_current_user":false,"is_disliked_by_current_user":false,"is_removed_by_moderator":false,"black_listed_by_user":false,"item_rating":5,"replies":[],"is_user_profile_clickable":true,"source":"litres","replies_count":0},{"id":14418956,"caption":null,"text":"

Ёмко и жёстко о угодничестве, как способе выживать. Неприкрытая правда о «добрых» людях и руководство, как за себя постоять. До этой книги надо дорасти.

","user_display_name":"E S","user_avatar_url":"/pub/avatar/100/00/00/19/94/60/33/19946033.jpg","user_is_verified":false,"user_role":null,"user_id":19946033,"is_comment_left_by_reviewed_person":null,"created_at":"2022-09-19T07:08:17","likes_rating":41,"likes_count":42,"dislikes_count":1,"is_liked_by_current_user":false,"is_disliked_by_current_user":false,"is_removed_by_moderator":false,"black_listed_by_user":false,"item_rating":null,"replies":[],"is_user_profile_clickable":true,"source":"litres","replies_count":0},{"id":15063434,"caption":null,"text":"

Наконец-то попалась книга ,которая поможет мне откалывать людей ,которым постоянно что-то надо . Есть люди в моëм окружении, которые обижаются когда им в чём-то отказываешь. Теперь легко можно научиться посылать их тактично и тем самым не портить отношения ))

","user_display_name":"np972006den","user_avatar_url":null,"user_is_verified":false,"user_role":null,"user_id":966043509,"is_comment_left_by_reviewed_person":null,"created_at":"2022-12-21T09:50:11","likes_rating":32,"likes_count":34,"dislikes_count":2,"is_liked_by_current_user":false,"is_disliked_by_current_user":false,"is_removed_by_moderator":false,"black_listed_by_user":false,"item_rating":5,"replies":[],"is_user_profile_clickable":true,"source":"litres","replies_count":0}]}},"fulfilledTimeStamp":1743780827137},"getArtQuotes({\"artId\":68002241,\"limit\":5,\"url\":\"\"})":{"status":"fulfilled","endpointName":"getArtQuotes","requestId":"RiPtUFvMV68VzSgTZxCnu","originalArgs":{"artId":68002241,"url":"","limit":5},"startedTimeStamp":1743780827054,"data":{"status":200,"error":null,"payload":{"pagination":{"next_page":"/api/arts/68002241/quotes?limit=5&after=Pmk6MH5pOjN%2BdXVpZDpmNzUwNmQ0Yi0xNjNmLTQ5ZTEtYjQxNC01N2QwMTQwY2ZhMzc%3D","previous_page":null},"data":[{"uuid":"2841933c-bd42-4ba7-9dd0-ea12e71449fa","nickname":"477026007","user_id":477026007,"user_url":"/chitateli/477026007/#quotes","selection_url":"/citata/2841933cbd424ba79dd0ea12e71449fa","selection_html":"

недвусмысленное обозначение границ допустимого – это внушительный шаг к предотвращению будущих конфликтов и промахов

","votes_good":7,"votes_bad":0,"user_reaction":"no_reaction"},{"uuid":"6c586853-4944-4358-be4f-9a2d1a0837fa","nickname":"oliastakhova","user_id":1140762472,"user_url":"/chitateli/1140762472/#quotes","selection_url":"/citata/6c58685349444358be4f9a2d1a0837fa","selection_html":"

или друг. Мы отчаянно в нем нуждаемся, ищем его одобрения. При этом в нас может прочно корениться установка, что любовь всегда условна и дается только тогда, когда мы удовлетворяем все требования данного человека и ведем себя так, как он хочет. Мы страшимся, что нас оттолкнут, отвергнут, и, чтобы это компенсировать, пытаемся буквально «выгрызать» симпатии других, ведя себя как «хорошие девочки и мальчики». И если мы снова и снова угождаем человеку, то считаем, что нас будут любить и принимать за

","votes_good":6,"votes_bad":0,"user_reaction":"no_reaction"},{"uuid":"07ad8a02-7d5f-4502-8cce-6722918424c6","nickname":"User18170-1","user_id":592192176,"user_url":"/chitateli/592192176/#quotes","selection_url":"/citata/07ad8a027d5f45028cce6722918424c6","selection_html":"

В определенном смысле вы ведете себя, исходя из своих мыслей; мыслите, исходя из пережитого опыта; становитесь тем, во что верите.

","votes_good":4,"votes_bad":0,"user_reaction":"no_reaction"},{"uuid":"65f0246f-b52c-4ca5-bf28-b087f0d0077e","nickname":"tzadonsk","user_id":22642816,"user_url":"/chitateli/22642816/#quotes","selection_url":"/citata/65f0246fb52c4ca5bf28b087f0d0077e","selection_html":"

Драйвер его доброты – отнюдь не желание поступать правильно или обогащать жизнь других людей. Топливо угодничества – не искреннее стремление сделать мир лучше, а страх, незащищенность и стыд.

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Наконец, люди могут не понять, почему вы устанавливаете определенные ограничения, правила или границы.

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